The Way You Left Me
by rattychipmunk
Summary: Jenna Logan, a scientist at the ARC is in love with Danny Quinn. Then he goes after Helen Cutter, and her world falls apart. How will she deal with it, and will he ever get him back? AU. Danny/OC. Inspired by 'Happy Ending' by Mika. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW
1. Freelance

AN: This came to me while listening to 'Happy Ending' by Mika, so I had just had to spend the day writing it down.

Background: Jenna (my OC) is a scientist who works on the ADD, just in case you haven't read my other Primeval story, although this is AU to The ARC: Chat Room Conversations. She is in love with Danny though, but she has never told him. And then he goes through that anomaly…

_This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending…_

"Tell me", he says again.

But I can't. I cannot relive that year. Even now, I can't bear to think about what happened, how it damaged me.

"Please Jenna. Please tell me. I need to know what happened to you. Nobody else knows, not really"

"Ok", I said finally "I'll tell you. But I'm going to write it down. Then, just then, I may be able to pretend that it's just a story".

…..

_Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life…_

It was an ordinary Thursday. It started so normally; Abby and Connor being awkward with each other, Sarah laughing with Becker about something, Lester in his office with a black coffee, muttering about whoever it was that forgot to buy milk, and I was tapping away at the keyboard, running diagnostics and checking everything was working properly. Danny was nowhere to be seen, which disappointed but intrigued me. His cheery smile always lit up my morning. Then again, after all the hoo-hah of going into the future yesterday, he was probably getting those scratches looked at. When he came back to the ARC yesterday, I rushed over to him, all thoughts of hiding my feelings forgotten when I saw the blood on his neck. He seemed a little taken aback by my concern, but smiled that knee-weakening grin that only seemed to require half his face. I quickly spluttered out "I, well, I just wondered if you were ok, you know…" I gestured wildly to his neck, almost whacking him in the face. He said "Yeah, I'm alright, nothing a little TCP and time can't sort out." He grinned again, a full smile this time, but I wasn't complaining. I was hopelessly in love with this man.

But now he wasn't here. I missed him already. Even though he will never feel the same way, I still love every moment that he walks into a room. No place is complete without him. I could never tell him though. I'm so bad at expressing my feelings. After all, I'm 26 and never even been kissed. At school, I was just freaky science girl who was more often seen in protective goggles and plimsolls than lip gloss and heels. The past never let me go; university did the same, I guess if you have brains then boyfriends and even friends weren't an option. I was so often alone. I never learnt how to interact with boys. Anyone I fancied just shoved me away in disgust, so I gave up. Until I met Danny that was. I don't think Danny would ever treat anyone like that, but I still couldn't cope with him saying he didn't feel the same.

Suddenly, I was jerked out of my thoughts by the machine in front of me blaring into life. Everyone rushed to the site of the anomaly, and all was quiet again.

A while later, Danny returned. My heart swelled, but when he was followed in y a pretty young woman, it went ice cold and threatened to crack. Were they- no. They weren't. This was the mysterious woman from the future that Johnson had kidnapped. So that's where Danny had been this morning! He really did know the meaning of freelance.

But it all went wrong. You know what happened there. But what nobody noticed, as they left to chase after the bitch that had murdered our friend Nick Cutter, was that Danny glanced back at Me and smiled. How he could smile when all that was going on I'll never know. My gut told me something wasn't right, something was coming and that he shouldn't go. But by the time I stepped forward to stop him, he'd already gone.

_No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending…_

Becker and Sarah returned without the others. They'd gone through the anomaly at the racetrack. After Helen. Into the future. This couldn't be happening… "But surely they've just been delayed!" I exclaimed.

"Maybe," said Becker gravely "We're going to send in a rescue team."

But all rescue attempts failed. Sarah nearly died and many men were lost, and Becker finally decided it was time to stop. "You can't" I told him "You can't just give up on them!" I had been erratic for days since the incident. I no longer cared if people questioned my feelings. But Becker wouldn't budge. "I'm not losing anyone else."

"Well you've lost me."

Those were the last words that came out of my mouth for over a year. I went straight to the computer as Becker and Sarah looked at me in amazement. I retrieved the code for the armoury and went and got a Sig Sauer. All staff had been given basic firearm training in case of emergencies, and ask I stalked out of the ARC, I heard a voice yelling my name. Becker. He could stick his concern. The drive to the racetrack was a bit of a blur, but I found myself soon sitting next to an unlocked anomaly with the barrel of my gun trained on its centre. I blinked back tears of anger and frustration and ignored the protocol-filled babble from the ARC soldier on duty, and when he tried to get me away from the locking mechanism I found my hands swinging the gun into his face. I think he realised I was serious, because he backed away but kept his gun also trained on the anomaly. I was prepared to wait, however long it took, but I needed to make sure it was kept open. Danny needed to be able to get back.

I'd sat there overnight. I had kept the gun close at hand. I was not willing to become a predator's lunch. The guard had changed a few times, each one learning that I was not to be moved, and I had been there 23 hours. I hadn't slept, I hadn't eaten, but I didn't want to. And that's when my world collapsed in on itself, the same way the anomaly did. Without warning, my last chance closed.


	2. Numb

AN: Ok, so here's the second chapter! This is not going to be finished yet, I meant to put a TO BE CONTINUED on the end of the last chapter. Anyway, thanks to all those who reviewed, amazing comments! I hope I get a few more reviews for this one though. My usual TACRC crowd are reviewing, but not all of them. Come on guys!

Although when I was writing all this yesterday, I got so depressed, even though I had a really good day. My writing clearly gets to me. I had to have my friends crack corny jokes to cheer me up! But I still felt weird, happy and in total despair at the same time… Hmmm, interesting!

Anyway, on with the chapter!

_This is the hardest story, that I've ever told…_

"I'll have to stop for a minute" I say, bringing myself back to the present.

"Ok. Look, no pressure, yeah?"

"Yeah. No pressure."

….

_Can't get no love without sacrifice…_

I couldn't feel any more. Every nerve in my body had gone numb. I heard the guard speaking into his earpiece "The anomaly's closed" As if I needed to hear it.

"I don't know," he replied to the unheard question "She's not doing anything. Just staring into space." Was I? I couldn't tell what I was doing. "Yes, I'll talk to her." No. I wasn't having that. I got up slowly (I still wasn't very aware of anything) and walked out. My car was soon starting up and then I was at home. I shut my front door, dragged my feet as I went into my living room and I dumped myself on my trusty old settee. That's when the tears came. My heart cracked painfully down the middle, a real physical sting, and the entirety of my emotions poured out. I cried, I sobbed my nose ran like a tap, I screamed at the top of my lungs. My face was hot, my throat felt like it was crumbling into dust and my eyes scorched like my tears were acid. The one person I had ever allowed myself to love was gone. Little Jenna, who grew up without a family, who after her tenth rejection swore she'd wouldn't let herself care about anyone so much again, whose heart had healed over time, was back where she started, but, oh, so much worse.

_No hope or love or glory, happy endings, gone forever more…_

There was a knock at the door. The doorbell had broken and I'd never got round to fixing it. But now there was no point. There was nobody who I wanted to see. But they came in anyway. I'd obviously left the door unlocked. I wonder now why I wasn't afraid. It could have been a burglar or a mass murderer, but maybe I really didn't care enough to let it cross my mind.

It was Sarah. "Jenna?" She whispered. There was no point in answering her. It's not like she could do anything. "Jenna, talk to me." She'd found me. "What happened to you?" Again, it's not like it matters. It happened. "Please Jenna. I know you're in love with Danny." I turned my head to look at her. It hurt to hear his name. "Don't worry, it wasn't obvious. I'm just good at reading people." Oh God! What if Danny was too? Then I remembered; he's gone. I winced: it hurt to think his name too. I could see his face in my mind, grinning at the time he had pranked Becker, and what life was left in my simply drained out.

"When did you last have something to eat?" It was a while, but I wanted nothing. "Have you slept?" No, I didn't think I had, but I could have been wrong. "Look, I'm going to go and make you some food." She could open up a Italian restaurant in my kitchen if she liked. I didn't care. "Eat" she said, plonking a plate on my lap. She'd done that fast. The marmalade sandwich she had made looked like the most disgusting thing I had ever laid eyes on. I used to love marmalade sandwiches. I ate them all the time at work. I had even got Danny to try one once- No, I mustn't think of him. Sarah probably spotted that, or maybe I'd told her, I couldn't remember. When they'd put the TV on at the orphanage when I was little, I'd always loved Paddington Bear. He was my friend: we both loved that kind of sandwich. I'd had a little bear of him, I used to talk to it at night when all the other girls were asleep. He understood. But I'm not sure if he'd understand this.

"Well fine. But you're drinking this." She pinched the back of my hand "You're dehydrated. You didn't eat or drink anything while you were watching the anomaly, have you not had anything today either?" It was yesterday? It had closed yesterday. Clearly my mind wasn't registering the passage of time. That would explain how she'd made the sandwich so fast. I glanced over at the digital clock. Saturday.

_I feel as if I'm wasting, and I'm wasting every day…_

I drank the glass of water. It soothed my throat, so I decided it wasn't so bad. "You're still wearing the same clothes Jenna. Shall I get you some clean ones?" I ignored her. Lay down, closed my eyes. Maybe if I kept them shut then she would go away. Maybe everything would go away.

"I'll be back"

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Unrecognisable

AN: Last chapter guys (yes, well done, a good old angsty trilogy, Phillip Pullman eat your heart out). I hope you'll enjoy it :) Big shout out to **Princess Sian **if she's reading this (you better had be, missy!) cause her reviews are great! Don't worry **marinawings**, I haven't forgotten you either, but you have had many chapter dedications in TACRC. But still, you give great feedback.

Anyway, enough babbling (this was meant to be a short and snappy authors note!), on with the story! Will Jenna ever get Danny back?

…

I'd clearly slept. I'd slept for so long. It was Monday. Not that it mattered. Sarah was round again, this time with Becker. The sandwich had gone stale sitting on the floor next to me, so Sarah went to make something else. I wanted to go back to sleep. When I was asleep I couldn't feel the pain. I wished I could just switch it off.

_Two o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind…_

I woke up again. I smelt disgusting. I got off the settee and collapsed.

_This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending…_

Sarah came round and found me on the floor. I think it was Sarah. She made me some soup and made me drink it. It was easier to get down than I thought it would be. I was a mess. I hated this, this horrific proof of how much I had loved him. I always loved too much, but this was in a league of its own. But I was making progress. The pain had almost burnt itself out.

_No hope, no, love, no glory, no happy ending…_

I woke up again. A week. A week I'd been like this. At least I was eating, drinking and showering again. Danny wouldn't feel like this, if he's still alive that is. No, I couldn't think like that. I couldn't even begin to consider the idea that he may be dead. Dead was the worst word in the world when it concerned him. If he was dead, there was no point in anything anymore, not just me, but anything. But I can't think that. I've buried my heart now. The pain, the hurt, all replaced by an empty emotionless void. It's better that way. Thinking of his name doesn't feel like a knife wound any more. I think I'll be able to function.

_Can't get no rest, keep walking around…_

For some reason, I couldn't sleep that Saturday night. I wandered around my flat sorting out things for work on Monday, keeping myself busy. I'm going back. I must.

…..

Remembering this time in my life makes me want to do it again. Shut down I mean. Because that's what I did, I completely stopped. I didn't feel anything for so long. Just like in those moments after the anomaly closed, I was running on autopilot. The lights were on, but my soul wasn't home. It was buried inside me, screaming in silence while I simply ignored it.

"Are you alright?" he asks, looking concerned.

"Yep, it's just, it brings it all back" I reply quickly. I needed to resist that urge. I can't go back there.

….

_This is the way that we love, like it's forever, and spend the rest of our lives, but not together…_

I did my job. Day after day, week after week, month after month. I felt nothing. I spoke to no one, I didn't need to. Even if I had needed to, I don't think I could have. Words were unnecessary; I worked at a computer. I should have felt lonely I guess, but I didn't. I had got my wish: I had switched off my emotions. Of course, with every new anomaly, they threatened to spill out again with hope in the lead, but they were just fissures in time. They never brought back what we all lost.

_A little bit of heaven, and a little bit of hell…_

The new team and new building didn't bother me. Why should they? Nothing bothered me any more. It was a freeing experience, not having to feel the despair that had overcome ne that day. But I couldn't feel happiness either. I had forgotten what it was. When the others joked, I saw no point.

Jess, the one who had pretty much taken over moth my job as well as Connor's, resigning me to other computer work, asked me a few questions in what seemed like an attempt to get to know me. I wasn't interested and she soon seemed to realise I wasn't going to talk. Somebody must have told her I suppose, about why I was like this. She didn't give up on me though, she always said hello and asked if I wanted anything when she went out, not that I ever did. There was only one thing I wanted, and she couldn't pop out and buy that from a petrol station. Still, I almost liked that about her. But I stopped myself, because I couldn't let any emotions through. If I let one through, all the pain of losing Danny would have also forced its way out as well, and I couldn't allow that.

I did the same with Matt. I shut myself off, forbade myself from having any feelings. But looking back now, if I had I think I would have hated him. He had replaced the man I loved, and he could never live up to him.

Connor and Abby returned one day. I was glad to have them back, but they had left a vital part of the team - the world, my life – behind. He had gone on to stop Helen when Connor was injured. And we were clearly all still here. He had succeeded, although alone. But I still felt nothing. I couldn't sanction it.

_If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep, I can think that we just carried on…_

That was a good thing I think. The fact that I never managed to destroy my emotions completely, I had to keep checking they remained non-existent. I had never had to do that, if they had gone without a fight, then maybe it would have been the end, and I wouldn't have got back from that dark, lonely, cold place that I had sent myself.

_A little bit of love…_

You see, every time an anomaly opened, my heart warmed slightly. But they never gave back what they took from me, so it froze over again so quickly.

_Little bit of love…_

It had been months. In fact, it had been a year. The date Danny Quinn had disappeared into time was upon me again. That night, I allowed the pain to return. If only to remember him, to honour him, I wept.

_Little bit of love…_

I had squashed my emotions into oblivion again by the next day. Everything was back inside, churned and twisted until it was unrecognisable as my spirit.

_Little bit of love…_

My soul had not spoken for so long. I had forgotten what it sounded like. Another anomaly opened. It was just part of the day now.

_Little bit of love…_

When I heard that word, that beautiful name being said, I couldn't believe it. I don't even know what I felt, if I felt anything. I just stood up so fast that my chair skidded backwards and rolled over Connor's foot. While he was squealing, I stared in pure heart-stopping ecstasy as I looked at him.

"Jenna", he said croakily, as though his voice was about to crack with emotion. I remembered emotion then, what it felt like to feel a rush of adrenalin, the heat of a smile, the sharp sting of loving someone. He made me better.

It was like he'd not changed a bit.

Surely his facial hair was out of control and he was in desperate need of a haircut, not to mention a shower and new clothes, but I hardly even saw that. I just saw a pair of sparkling blue eyes and a full faced beam on the man I still loved, and always would.

_This is the way we love, like it's forever._

…..

"Wow" he says. He looks at me the way he did that day he left, when he glanced back as he went to save humanity. It was a look of pure unconditional love. I hadn't known it back then, because nobody had ever looked at me that way before. "I am so sorry, but that doesn't even begin to cover it" he begins to babble. "It's not your fault Danny." I still love the sound of his name. "All that stuff happened, and it was bad, yes, but it doesn't even matter anymore. I learnt how to make things not matter. And now that year doesn't"

He blinks back tears. "I can't believe you didn't tell me all this until tonight, of all nights."

"Ah well. This is the last day I could, really."

He understood. He understood that this really was the last time I could think about that chapter of my life. Because now, it's two years since Danny left that day, and a year since I last cried out of sadness. And tomorrow, well, tomorrow a new chapter begins. The chapter in which I become Jenna Quinn.

…..

Well. That's that! What a ride it's been and all that. So, review please :) and recommend to other Primevalians! You know, Facebook, Twitter, snail mail, email, semaphore, smoke signals, or even the dreaded Google+, however you like to communicate, please get this story out there, I'd love it to be as popular as 'The ARC: Chat Room Conversations' (which I WILL get back to, I promise!).

Also please to anyone reading this, will you check out my story called 'Falling Into Destiny', even if you haven't watched Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (which you should), because I am really proud of that story and to be honest it's not difficult to understand if you haven't seen it, seeing as the main character, my OC Kizzy (also found in 'Becker's Bunch' by **Squabble**) is finding out about the characters for the first time too. Plus it has no reviews, so I can't really write any more if nobody wants to know more… Sorry for the advert guys, I just feel sad that nobody has read it yet.

Hope you enjoyed this story however, and I'm planning another one soon, here's a taster:

_**After battles through the Rift Valley and the Pliocene era, Danny Quinn knew he was finally back in the 21**__**st**__** century. He was just a little bit early. Now, not only will he have to avoid his past self as he finds his way into the ARC, but he will have to decide which is worth more: one life that should never have been taken, or the future which maybe shouldn't be changed…**_


	4. AN

Okay, so I know I haven't updated anything in ages. Literally, ages. But I have a good reason. Two actually.

One, I've been doing my A Levels and been through the incredibly tough process of leaving the school that has been my home for the last seven years of my life.

But secondly, my other writing has taken up a lot of my spare time, as I now have my first novel available for Amazon Kindle. It's also available for the Kindle app if you have an Apple or Android device, so I'm asking you as a fellow writer, please will you buy my book? It's called Welcome To My Sorry Excuse For A Life, and you will be able to find it on Amazon just by typing that (obviously, I can't do links on FanFiction) or you can type my name, Zoe Badder, in and that will find it too.

If you type my name in, you will also find my new book of poetry, Growing Up. So this is a message to all my loyal readers and reviewers to say please support me as I try to break into the writing world. I will attempt to update my stories when I can, but I am now busy with work and writing my sequel, as well as promoting my new releases.

So, please download both my books, and give them a read. The blurb for my book is here:

Aqua Green, fourteen - that's just a few basics about me. Another thing you NEED to know is that NOTHING ever runs smoothly for me! My mum's just invaded my school, my sister is a MASSIVE pain, I have a BEAVER for a brother (well, practically) and I am TOTALLY in love with a guy who is TOTALLY out of my league! What's a girl to do? Well, plenty. A bit of good, a selection of bad, and a bucketful of downright embarrassing (don't even mention the sun lounger and the swimming pool!) as you will find out in my diary of terrible and hilarious truths.

And my poetry book is a collection of poems that come straight from the depths of my heart.

I hope you enjoy reading my book, and please give it a good review on Amazon to hopefully encourage a publisher to finally accept it and to get my book into print.

Sorry this wasn't an update as such, but I guess you could say it's an update on my life instead!

Oh, and also, I've got an official Facebook page - Zoe Badder - so you could go and give that a 'like' as well if you would :)

Thank you to you all, and you know I still love you all for reading and reviewing.

Ratty (Zoe) xxxxxx


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